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Judgment says “You are bad so I don’t love you.” Discernment says “I love you and choose to set boundaries to limit my exposure to you.” Judgment closes the heart. Discernment allows it to stay wide open but protected with clear boundaries.


Discernment is the ultimate form of self care…

It’s a way of promising yourself to only allow into your inner circle those who vibrate at the same frequency as you. It’s a promise to yourself to only stay close to those who respect your boundaries, treat you with kindness, choose to behave guided by integrity, and know how to love you with their own open heart. This doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with people who choose to behave in ways you might not like. You can absolutely love and have compassion for people who might make choices you don’t agree with. But you’ll likely wind up in more of a mentoring role with these individuals—which is perfectly fine—but if you’re choosing to mentor someone, check your motivations.

If you’re surrounded by drama, opt out….

There’s no need to keep people close in your life just because you feel bad for distancing yourself. If you’re motivated to stay in a relationship because you feel pity for someone, that should be a red flag to you that your motivation isn’t clean.

It’s okay to grant yourself the yummy factor of only choosing to be close with those who are also committed to staying in alignment with their own integrity as they try to let their souls, not their egos, take the lead.


In Brene Brown’s research, she found that the most compassionate people were those with the highest boundaries. Because they protect their own boundaries, they can walk around with an unguarded heart while still feeling safe. If you feel like closing your heart is the only way to keep others out, you’ll wind up practicing less compassion.

What sounds right for you? Judgment or Discernment?

Gratitude for sharing wisdom goes to: Lissa Rankin, MD; Brene Brown Ph.D.